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“Am getting tired of this…” she thought…
If this is not hell then what is? Life could not get any worse than this right?...
It was her 25th birthday… a quarter of her life already spent out… supposed to be a mile stone… “But, a mile stone, indicating what? Failure? Compromise? Or 25 yrs of loneliness?
Due to utter laziness and stupidity in her past, she had failed to get into a profession she truly loved… now she was stuck with dissatisfaction all throughout her life…. and the worst part was, there was nobody she could blame this whole mess for…. not even God! She was well and truly responsible for the way her life now was… Could she change everything? ’What if …‘Could she turn around and start doing the thing she loved? After all Raju and Farhan in 3 Idiots did it!
“Come on!!! Get real… It’s all well and good to show such things on reel life, but in real life…? What is it that you want to do? At the age of 25 you want to start doing your heart’s desire? Logically speaking it will take you around 9 yrs to finish the studies of that field... And, another 2-3 yrs, to get established. You will start your career at the age of 38? And ... You don’t have Rancho beside you to egg you on…!” She went on talking to herself…
She stood in front of the mirror and looked at the person in it…. “This is definitely not how imagined myself to be at 25” she thought miserably…
The person in the mirror looked- angered with what life had thrown at her and with what she had thrown herself into… defeated by how easily she had given up on herself… empty and lonely with hollowness the so called friends had left behind…. lost by not knowing how to move ahead and not finding anybody to help her with it… NO…. definitely not the way she had envisioned herself…
All her strength had seeped out of her and she slumped into the chair… and there she remained for hours together... not moving a muscle… only her mind racing on… thinking…. not hearing anything, totally disconnected with outside world….
“Now that you have finally realized that thoughts of pursuing any other profession is out of question… gather yourself and think about how you can bring some happiness into your life.” she thought to herself….
“You are driving yourself crazy this way… everyday you sit and whine and weep… curse your stars… say life is unfair… But have you ever done any active effort in getting yourself out of this muck. The fault lies in you. Not in your stars, not in your profession, not with your brains. The fault lies in your lack of will power. Period. You never did well because what you did was not driven by passion for your work but rather driven by fear. Fear that you had developed by listening to what people had to say. Every time they said they are confident that you would succeed your fear went up another notch. “What if?” What if I fail? How will I face them?? Never once did it occur to you “What if” you succeeded??? Instead of putting your energy into succeeding you put your energy into whining, moaning, groaning about how they are all putting unnecessary pressure on you.” on and on went the voice in her ears.
“You are right” she told that voice. She smiled to herself at how simple an answer it was! What if I start taking positively all the confidence shown? May be they are right, may be I Can do it… may be all I need is good dose of self confidence… What if then? “Then I turn my life completely around” she thought resolutely.
It was dawn when she opened her eyes. The first rays of the sun were beginning to emerge out of the clouds. She recalled the words of William Irwin Thompson that had given her the new attitude towards life:
“If you do not create your destiny, your fate will be inflicted upon you”
She stood up with the newly found will and moved on.