Monday, September 7, 2009

Treasure Chest

The English language is increasingly becoming the medium of instruction in India today. We find people using it more commonly in their every day lives too. It has become a kind of a status symbol to be speaking in English and being fluently conversant in it. Some even transliterate their mother tongue into English and that leads to some funny situations. My article is going to be all about that….

I was attending a class yesterday in my entrance coaching centre. The lecturer was rattling off information which was so boring that my mind began to wander around… and I began my favourite hobby…picking out the errors in the English that was being spoken!!! [I know it’s a weird hobby but, believe me, it’s a total, out and out fun!!! I have been doing this since my college days!! I even used to write them down so that I could have a good laugh later…] and there it struck me why shouldn’t I write an article about it and let others have a good laugh too..

here are some of the most hilarious one that I have come across… hope you find it hilarious too….well here goes… sit back and enjoy…..

once our sir entered the class to engage us for the next one hour and immediately began the lecture without wasting much time… the class was as usual pathetically boring…. and the guys from the last bench began their entertainment.. The lecturer looked up and said...`What is that sounds are hearing? Can’t you concentrate on the class?’... Blah blah the usual on how disruptive it is etc etc… this was not going to deter the last benchers!!! (Who are usually waiting to be blessed with ‘get out my class’ blessing!) They continued their chatter... The lecturer looked up again and said ` I am hearding from last bench’. And there began his tirade, ` you people have came from so long. You just sit in canteen and are drinking cigarettes, and waste your parents’ hard earned money!! God is there to look you, you know!

The other day we were being taught about arthritis… and he said…if bones are using again and again…. the bone is becoming eroding… the legs becoming straight, become straight and then go… By all, these what he meant to convey, took me a long time to understand!!!

And once he was explaining about the fractures and their treatment and he said…. whose muscle have not builded properly……… lie downing in same posture….. that is going and sitting inside like anything…tractions are coming nearing… and when one of my completely flummoxed class mate said she did not understand and asked to clarify he dropped another gem,…I know its all very confusious….that is why I am explaining you in detail…. well, we had to abandon all efforts to understand and thank our stars, that, we at least had the text book to rely on….!!!

Once while explaining a surgical procedure these were said….radiological incision is going to put… in the below it is giving….. Forward you handing… allow the blood to flows… and then teiding it down.

Once during the breast feeding week we visited a government hospital and heard a seminar on breast feeding.. Some of the sentences uttered were… mother is fed to the baby…. nipple is also going to discharge…. mother who has not sucked their babies….and on the context of how utmost hygiene and care is essential….not everybody is such billiards!!(Billionaire is what he meant to say!!)…. if people were affordable….on how, not all could afford a state of the art nursing home facility and home care is very much the need. What left me wondering was that as most of the audience were locals and could very well understand the local dialect then why was the seminar being delivered in English when obviously the person was not comfortable with the language??

These are the few of the sentences that I jotted down while trying hard not to burst out laughing…. my friends always used to ask why do I write them down… this is the reason why….. this sure beats all those sms that I get about height of misuse of the English language!!! I just defined new heights to it!!!

Hope you all enjoyed it. Cheers!!!


  1. ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa......:-) this was one hell of a fun... i can very well imagine how you must've reacted then... though i've had fun in college regarding this, whatever you've heard is extreme... some of the gems i remember are, 'open the windows.. let the air-force come in,' 'i CAN'T take your class yesterday, because i HAVE gone for mud making' (he meant funeral actually).
    And even i used to jot down these kinds of sentences too.. (i was caught once while doing it and was sent out of the class.. he he heeee.. ) it's not a stupid hobby, trust me..
    Finally as your professors would say, 'you have writed it nice. I laughed and laughed when i readed it. I know every bodies will liked it as soon as them readed it. I enjoy it to the deep of my heart.' :-) :-)

  2. hehe..
    my pick: drinking cigarettes....
    how could he?? I mean .....well yes.... cigret peena...
    witty article!!

  3. Fun to read! U not alone...Even I've this hobby of finding faults when it comes to language!
    Enjoyed it!

  4. Hey you are not alone...
    even I love to find fault with the english ppl speak.

    The faculty in our college is pathetic too (most of them have completed their education in Marathi)
    But i enjoy doin this stuff too...
    Whats most ironical is that we have this teacher who is linguistically challenged and he teaches us BUSINESS COMMUNICATION!
    But unlike your drinking ciggie, he just mixes up the order of the words.

    As you mentioned, most of these errors occur due to their efforts to speak english by translating it from other languages.

  5. thank you for your feed back guys.. plz do continue visiting my blog for more articles.. will be looking forward to your comments..