my hidden side

Adieu

2011-04-18T07:55:00.000-07:00

This poem is dedicated to my seniors who wil be leaving us in few days... they have been more than just a friend and a guide... they mean a lot to us and hence this poem....on the occasion of their send-off

The time has come for us to bid Adieu
This place is just not going to be the same without you...
But it’s not the end, it’s just the start
Of new friendships and laughter, of which, we are all going to be a part
New paths you will tread in the years ahead
The strife and travail you will forget
All that will remain are moments like these
Which you will forever cherish
Moments where nothing but happiness prevailed
Unbridled joy and dreams uncurtailed.

MYRIAD DREAMS

2010-04-27T08:14:00.000-07:00

Every little jump is lesser than the leap I planned,

With every step I am going a little deeper in the sand.

Every bit of effort seems to be taking me further away,

Its getting quite hard to not let my morale sway.

Ah! How nice it would be to give it all up,

To, curl up, with a book and steaming coffee cup.

It’s hard to persuade myself, to cajole,

To tell myself, just a few more steps and you will reach your goal.

But, just when you think you have finally reached,

You find that the rules of the game have been breached.

And then you end up wondering if dedicated work really matters,

Because now you see that your dreams are in tatters.

So now, do you pick up the fragments and try to stitch what was torn?

Or do you, just let them be and then move on?

Lost, I find myself in this stormy sea called life,

To have a dream again is what fills my heart with strife.

What if...

2010-02-05T17:07:00.000-08:00

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 7; the seventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

***

“Am getting tired of this…” she thought…

If this is not hell then what is? Life could not get any worse than this right?...

It was her 25^th birthday… a quarter of her life already spent out… supposed to be a mile stone… “But, a mile stone, indicating what? Failure? Compromise? Or 25 yrs of loneliness?

Due to utter laziness and stupidity in her past, she had failed to get into a profession she truly loved… now she was stuck with dissatisfaction all throughout her life…. and the worst part was, there was nobody she could blame this whole mess for…. not even God! She was well and truly responsible for the way her life now was… Could she change everything? ’What if …‘Could she turn around and start doing the thing she loved? After all Raju and Farhan in 3 Idiots did it!

“Come on!!! Get real… It’s all well and good to show such things on reel life, but in real life…? What is it that you want to do? At the age of 25 you want to start doing your heart’s desire? Logically speaking it will take you around 9 yrs to finish the studies of that field... And, another 2-3 yrs, to get established. You will start your career at the age of 38? And ... You don’t have Rancho beside you to egg you on…!” She went on talking to herself…

She stood in front of the mirror and looked at the person in it…. “This is definitely not how imagined myself to be at 25” she thought miserably…

The person in the mirror looked- angered with what life had thrown at her and with what she had thrown herself into… defeated by how easily she had given up on herself… empty and lonely with hollowness the so called friends had left behind…. lost by not knowing how to move ahead and not finding anybody to help her with it… NO…. definitely not the way she had envisioned herself…

All her strength had seeped out of her and she slumped into the chair… and there she remained for hours together... not moving a muscle… only her mind racing on… thinking…. not hearing anything, totally disconnected with outside world….

“Now that you have finally realized that thoughts of pursuing any other profession is out of question… gather yourself and think about how you can bring some happiness into your life.” she thought to herself….

“You are driving yourself crazy this way… everyday you sit and whine and weep… curse your stars… say life is unfair… But have you ever done any active effort in getting yourself out of this muck. The fault lies in you. Not in your stars, not in your profession, not with your brains. The fault lies in your lack of will power. Period. You never did well because what you did was not driven by passion for your work but rather driven by fear. Fear that you had developed by listening to what people had to say. Every time they said they are confident that you would succeed your fear went up another notch. “What if?” What if I fail? How will I face them?? Never once did it occur to you “What if” you succeeded??? Instead of putting your energy into succeeding you put your energy into whining, moaning, groaning about how they are all putting unnecessary pressure on you.” on and on went the voice in her ears.

“You are right” she told that voice. She smiled to herself at how simple an answer it was! What if I start taking positively all the confidence shown? May be they are right, may be I Can do it… may be all I need is good dose of self confidence… What if then? “Then I turn my life completely around” she thought resolutely.

It was dawn when she opened her eyes. The first rays of the sun were beginning to emerge out of the clouds. She recalled the words of William Irwin Thompson that had given her the new attitude towards life:

“If you do not create your destiny, your fate will be inflicted upon you”

She stood up with the newly found will and moved on.

***

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Lost In The woods

2009-12-25T06:11:00.000-08:00

A lonely little girl lost in the woods,

By both darkness and light, surrounded she stood.

She got spooked by sounds and sights, real and illusionary,

A mocking laughter, a fleeting shadow, of which, she grew wary.

A couple of paths out of the woods she could see,

Which one to follow, she just could not perceive.

She closed her eyes and said to herself,

“Listen to your heart, it will show you the way!”.

Choose the path on the right, her heart then told,

And then let the experience unfold.

The path chosen was the toughest, she saw to her dismay!

Full, of thorns and bristles, ready, to obstruct her way.

But on she went, no matter what,

And finally came out to the place she had sought.

Tired and worn, yet with a song in her heart,

She came to see ‘Life’ and ‘Woods’ were not much apart!

DESPONDENCY

2009-12-18T00:28:00.000-08:00

Note: This was the first poem ever written by me at an age of 18. This was written before I started moving towards atheism.. I have posted it just for the fun of it, as I happened to come across it…..

As despondent as a person might seem,

There is always a way to bring back the forsaken zeal.

By reminding him that this life is all a dream!

A dream! Yes!

A dream from which we shall all awake,

To find ourselves in a place,

From where when we see,

All these despondencies,

It shall all look like trivial matter indeed!

For then, the real despondency shall sink in,

Of wasting this precious life on earth.!

The life in which amidst all the material pleasure,

We forget, all about the real task.

To accomplish which we came on earth.

We came on earth, to get closer to Him.

To become one with the one!!!

But alas!

There, when, back from life on earth,

We find ourselves,

Much further away from Him, Than ever before!!!

A Dream in my eyes, A Faith in my heart

2009-11-29T05:54:00.000-08:00

I do not want to live, just to exist,

I want to try and try and persist.

Persist on achieving my dreams,

Though I know how unrealistic it seems!

There seem to be a lot of the kind in town,

Who say “If I can’t reach you, I’ll pull you down!”

Look around you, very few you will find,

People, belonging, to the encouraging kind.

God, Fate, is the reason they give.

For the defeat, with which, they are forced to live.

I wonder has it ever occurred to them,

That it’s they, not anybody else, to be condemned?!

It’s our life, not anybody else’s

When will they all come to their senses?

It’s on me and my faith on my ability that I want to rely,

And it’s not mediocrity, with which, that am going to comply.

It’s my dreams that I want to realize,

For the joy and content it will bring to my life.

And one day,I would like to look back and say,

I had given my best to each and every day.

The White Lily

2009-11-11T04:24:00.000-08:00

The Dark wood estate was swarming with the police and the forensic experts. The neighbours were standing some way behind the barricades set up by the police. One could say that something terrible had happened in the place, by just one look at their faces. Some were shocked and some were appalled by the extent of brutality that involved in the twin murders.

Even the authorities were confused as to why the murder had taken place. Mr. and Mrs. White seemed to be the most unlikely victims who could be murdered and that too in that particular fashion. Both were doctors of great reputation who worked in the hospital of the locality. They were known for their generosity and their charitable nature. Yet they were found on that fateful morning, dead. Killed, in their, own house.

Lily and Gerald White were both doctors. Lily was an obstetrician and Gerald was an orthopedic surgeon. They had been living in the neighbourhood for the past 5 years and were very much liked and loved by all. They had been married since 8 yrs and had no children.

The investigation was on with full strength as to the motive behind the murder and possible suspects were being looked into from every angle…

The police were interrogating the maid, who had found the victims that morning and had called them immediately. She was telling them “I came in through the side gate at 7, I always do. I was then that the door was unlocked. I entered and it was then that I saw her lying on the floor. I stood frozen not knowing what to do… after sometime I realized that I should call you people and I was still standing there when you came… I could not make myself move…I have no idea who could have been so vicious but, what I can tell you, is that, it was in between 8:30 to 8:45 in the night that they were murdered…” she said dabbing her eyes…

There was a shocked silence as everybody who heard her say that turned to look at her. The officer said his voice full of suspicion… “And how would you happen to come across such information Madame?”

She said…” well it isn’t exactly rocket science officer, I always lay out their dinner at 8:30 exact and I leave as soon as they sit down for dinner as they like to have it without anyone of us around… and when I stood there waiting for you people to arrive I saw that the food had not been touched and it lay as I had laid them out when I left….”

“Ok… Madame did you happen to see any vehicle or person around when you left the place in the night?”

“ Vehicle or a person? Well actually no… not if you don’t count the police patrol vehicle that I saw immediately after I left the place… I even waived a greeting to the officer… poor chap out on duty on such a cold night…”

“Ok Madame thank you, that will be all. If we have to ask you any more questions we will call on you again. And one more thing, please check the house and let us know if anything is found missing”

“Yes officer. I hope you catch whoever did this to them” she said and left.

The officer in charge, Agent Robert, spoke brusquely and instructed the others to carefully gather all evidence even the lilies, and to send the bodies for post mortem. He was about to leave for the HQ when he saw 2 people hurrying towards them. He stopped them and asked who they were.

“I am Jim and this is Marie. We are Lily and Gerald’s colleagues. We heard about their death and could not believe it…. we came as soon as possible”

“When was it you last saw the victims?”

“I saw her last when she finished her duty and left for home at around 7 in the evening. We had coffee together and then she left for home” said Dr. Marie. “Gerald and I left the hospital together around 8 last night. He dropped me home and went ahead.” Said Dr. Jim

“Ok…” said Agent Robert. He called out to Officer John and instructed him to ask them a few question regarding the friends and social circle of the victims. “And after that collect the call records and their appointment diaries and bring them to the HQ in another hour.”

“Yes sir”

**********

In the bureau the agents in charge were discussing about the evidences found….

“Let’s try to reconstruct the scene of crime… the husband and wife, sit down for dinner after the maid leaves. They are about to begin and the door bell rings. One of them gets up to see who it was. Most probably it was someone they know as they let the person enter. For some reason the husband goes to the kitchen, probably to get the visitor some water, and the person follows him inside… takes the knife off the rack and cuts the husband’s throat. The wife hears the yell and comes running and the killer moves towards her… but for some reason he does not kill her immediately instead he slashes at her… there might have been a struggle as the chair had fallen down. He keeps slashing at her, 25 times to be exact, until she dies a slow painful death. The Killer then goes to their garden cuts off a few lilies and lays them on her and after leaving the murder weapon behind, leaves the house” said agent Robert. “So now let’s look at the suspects. John do you have the list with you?” “Yes sir, There is:

1) Mr. Sanders. - according to the reports he is a businessman who has been trying to buy the dark wood estate for quite some time and it is common knowledge among the colleagues of the victims about the threatening calls they had been receiving from this suspect. Lives in the neighbouring town. Currently being questioned.

2) Mr. Sean White – The brother of the victim who has been charged many times for petty charges ranging from theft to drug abuse. According to Dr. Jim he has been pestering Gerald from past few months for financial assistance claiming to have fallen prey to gang of drug dealers. On facing refusal he is claimed to have had a violent argument with the victims. Lives 200 hundred miles away. Currently trying to be contacted.

3) The maid Ms. Kimberly – Has been working for the Whites since the past 5 yrs. No known criminal records. Is said to have left the premises just before the crime occurred.”

Agent Boyle said “Sir the killer was very cautious, he has not left behind any finger print or any evidence behind. We only hope the forensic department comes up with something… meanwhile I’ll go and check on the progress with suspects”

An assistant enters the room just as Boyle is about to leave and tells them that the maid is on the line and wants to report something strange. She is immediately put online. She reports that as instructed she searched for anything missing and found everything in its place except for one strange thing. There was one dinner plate missing!!

Agent Boyle exclaims “Sir! It is not water the husband goes in to fetch. It’s the extra plate! Most probably the killer cleared away the debris before leaving so as to not give us a clue that he was an acquaintance of the victims and that does not help as all the 3 suspects were acquaintances. But it does put Mr. Sanders out of the list as after all those threats he surely would not have been invited for dinner…”

“Yes you are right Boyle. You better get on with checking their alibi for the night.”

“Right on it sir.”

Agent Rivers who had been in deep thought till then suddenly speaks up “Sir, it seems strange that the killer put the white lilies on the wife after killing her. It must mean something. I think we should ask her colleagues about that…. I will get on that immediately” she said and left the room.

Officer John who was silent until then said “Sir I think the maid must have done it and then arranged the dinner table before leaving to make it appear as if it all occurred after she left. I will go and look into it” he said and left hurriedly.

*************

After a few hours report came in that a partial footprint was found on the flower bed and very faint markings of the strides of the killer. By the measurements of the print and the strides the killer is said to be a tall male of about 6’ and above with long strides.

Agent Boyle enters the room with the report on the suspects “Sir Mr. Sanders was at home with his family and friends. There is no way he could have done it. It was their anniversary yesterday night and there are around 20 people to substantiate is alibi.”

“What about the other two?”

“Well sir, Ms Naomi, the maid working for the Grangers who live right opposite, said that she saw Gerald White closing the door after Ms. Kimberly left the place and they both walked home together. So it’s not her either.”

“But Mr. Sean white was found entering the house today. He says he has been on the road since yesterday morning. The alibi is pretty weak as he cannot substantiate… his behavior is very suspicious too…”

“Boyle what is his height?”

“Around 6’2’’ sir. Why?” He is shown the reports that just came in. “Looks to me as if he is our man. I will bring him in for questioning sir.”

In the mean time a call from the forensic lab brings in startling information. In the nail beds of Mrs. White bluish fibres were found. On further analysis the fibres seem to have come from the kind of material used only for the uniforms of the police department. “Well, that counts Sean White out. And we have no suspects left!!” Boyle said in an irritated voice.

“Yes” Said Roberts “But we do have a major clue. All we have to do is search the data base of the officers of the states. To think one of our own could do such a crime!! It’s disgraceful.” With that, a furious activity begins in the department, for the search of an officer of that description.

Meanwhile, Agent Rivers, reports back saying that Lily White’s best friend since childhood said that white lilies were Mrs. White’s favourite flowers. She also said that even though they were her favourite flowers she never accepted them from anybody except from her high school sweet heart John. He used to call her White lily.

“John??!!!” Robert is shocked and turns to see if Officer John is in the department. “Where is John? Find him immediately and see to it he is not to leave the building until we know for sure it’s not him. They also started looking in the data base, for officers named John among those who were found to be above 6 feet. Results indicated around more than a hundred of that description in the entire country.

Agent Robert said “The maid had told us that she saw a police car outside and that she saw the officer too… bring her in. Let’s see if she can identify from among these hundreds. And Agent Rivers go back to the friend and see if she has any of those school books so that she can show you the picture of that Mr. John. I think we will zero in on our killer within a few hours”

**********

The maid “Yes sir I can tell you which officer it was without even looking at these pictures. He was there today morning with all of you. Poor fellow working both night and day hours. You should give him some rest you know…”

The friend “I don’t need a year book sir, he is right here working for you. You must know him, its officer John of the police department. After high school Lily went away to med school and I went on to study literature and John, he joined the police force. I don’t think he ever was able to forget Lily…”

The next day in the interrogation room Officer John confessed to the crime. When asked about the motive he said “After high school when we went to different colleges I was still in love with her. But she had found Gerald White during her med school days and they eventually got married. She had promised to marry me. The day she got married I vowed to take my revenge and I have. I used to call her white lily lovingly, but, she became Mrs. Lily white, in reality…”he said and began to laugh hysterically…

On the basis of the evidence and the confession of the accused the jury found him guilty on two counts of murder. And he was sentenced to 18 yrs of imprisonment with no scope for parole.

***********

The Greater Crime

2009-11-02T00:32:00.000-08:00

Is it a greater crime to thieve?

Or, is it, to deceive?

Which is worse, the hatred that being bred,

Or is it the blood that’s being shed?

Is it, the wealth that’s being plundered?

Or is it, to allow, children die of hunger?

Is it, to let go of things that mattered,

Or is it, to let your dreams be shattered?

Is it, to simply let things be?

And to choose to ignore what you see?

Or is it, to, not make it a priority,

To, achieve, to the best of our ability.

Go ahead think which, is the greater crime,

Or is this thought, to you, not even worth a dime??

RESURRECTION

2009-10-25T11:49:00.000-07:00

To break free was my aim,

From all the shackles that tried to maim.

To bring me into submission was too simple

For the fate and the people!!

All my life, tried to do the appropriate,

And to appease, to propitiate,

But never once did I realize

That I was being forced to live life in disguise!

But now this bird wants to fly

To open her wings, soar up above and high!

To show the world her real worth,

The potential, of which, she has no dearth.

Dare anyone come her way!

As she is no longer made of clay!!

Her own path she paved,

To the destination she so craved.

By her own principles, her life, she now led,

“Bring it on!!” was all she said!!

SOLITUDE

2009-10-16T00:34:00.000-07:00

In a crowd, I stand alone

In trying times, am all by my own.

When I have achieved,

I pat my own back.

When I am in grief,

It’s a friend that I lack!

What do they care if am hurt,

If asked they say, I was hardly worth!

How could I have been so naïve?

To not have seen the falsity they portrayed!

May be I was deaf, may be I was blind,

As, now, I Have ended up with lonely kind!

It takes some time, but now am fine,

For, now, its SOLITUDE that I find Divine!!

Lost And Found

2009-10-05T03:35:00.000-07:00

Why should I be alive?

While you are dead and gone…

Why should not I let the pain thrive?

While I relive our lovely sojourn!

Why is it so hard to forget, to let go,

The memories of our past

All I want now is to hold you so…

And hope the moment to last!

I think of all those moments shared

All the lovely times we spent

With you now gone my life’s so bare

Your absence so poignant

I was walking down the lane

The place where we first met

And there again came the pain

And I wept and I wept and I wept

*****

Those days seem so long ago

It’s been more than a year

But I no longer feel so low

Because I know now, you are always near…

GOD ALMIGHTY INDEED!!!!

2009-09-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

We run from place to place,

In search of solace.

From dawn till dusk we wait,

Only to be betrayed.

Is there a god we ask?

Or is it a demon in a mask!

People say they hear a call,

But I have never heard them at all!

Down on their knees they kneel

Only to appeal,

To that man they say is GOD!

But I say, to hear them out, HE forgot!!

What is that makes a man pray,

without allowing his faith to sway?

I call this all a spoof,

For a mere lack of a definite proof!

So here is my judgement to you all

Don’t you go and take a fall!!

Believe in what YOU are!

Not in some man, some place afar!!

REBORN

2009-09-22T05:08:00.000-07:00

She woke up to the sounds of her alarm clock. It was 6:00 A:M. Time to begin another successful day! She sat on the edge her bed and said out aloud “Today is going to be a beautiful day!” This was her daily ritual.

Keerthi was a very successful woman. She had everything that one needed in life. From the time she could remember she had been given anything and everything that she wanted, that she demanded. She had never known one moment of sadness or deprivation. Consequently she never was sympathetic towards the lesser mortals and her words always took a mocking tone when she spoke about them. She just could not listen to their whining (as she called them). She never had any friends nor ever felt the need for one.

Keerthi got dressed and reached her office at the fashion magazine at 8:45 sharp and went straight into the board room for the morning conference.

One week later…..

She was sitting in the coffee shop with her coffee untouched. She was wondering where it had all gone wrong. Up until that fateful day a week ago she had been under the impression that she was an indispensible part of the magazine. She had given her heart and soul for the magazine and they had not even hesitated while firing her! She had been expendable after all!! Her eyes filled with tears… Yet again. To add insult to injury was the fact that none of her so called friends, her ex-colleagues, even bothered to condole. In fact that they looked quite relieved, even happy!

Sitting there all alone in the coffee shop, the loneliness came crushing up on her for the first time in her life. She felt her life no longer had any meaning to it. There seemed no hope. If she took another job after a while she would be kicked out of it too. In short she had nobody to lean on, no job, and no life. She decided there is no point in living any longer. Yes! She would end it all. And with that purpose in her mind she got up and left the coffee shop. She got into her car and decided on taking a long drive. She sat talking to herself ‘what is there to life now anyway, there seems to be no point in living any longer. If I continue to live what would happen? I would end up living till a ripe old age. But for what? Look at mum and pa. What have they achieved in life? They do nothing but fight all day long. They have nothing but pain. Or do I want to grow old and lonely like grandma? There are so many things that could go wrong. I could keep getting married and then divorced like Rekha….’ and so went on the dialogues in her mind…. she had never felt so depressed in her life. She now realized how it felt to be one of those lesser mortals. She thought may be this was life’s punishment to her for being so hard on them. For the first time in her life she felt a deep need for company.

And then she saw an old bent lady walking on the road slowly and with difficulty. She stopped the car both for her own need for company and also because that lady reminded her of her own grandma. And she said “where are you going ma’am? Can I be of any assistance?” The lady thankfully got in and said “I was on the way to the Asha jyothi centre for special children and my car broke down. Thank you very much for stopping your car. So many people went by, without stopping, and so I stopped asking for a lift and was thinking may be, I may have to walk all the way! Thank you again.” Keerthi was silent for sometime and then said something she never thought she would ever tell anybody “I am sorry it was an entirely selfish move…. I was lonely and needed company… and you were god sent!” and then continued driving. The lady sat silently looking at her and then after a while said “what’s the matter child? Seems like you have been crying for quite some time now, by the look of your eyes…. I know I might be intrusive but if you want to talk I am here to listen.”

It was too much for Keerthi….to think that a stranger could be so kind while her so called friends could be so callous…. she could no longer hold in her tears and she burst into fresh tears yet again. She parked her car off the road and told the entire story of her life and her present condition and her ultimate decision to the lady. The lady listened to it patiently without interrupting even once, only patting her for encouragement. Once Keerthi had said it all she started feeling foolish, what was she thinking?! As if the situation was not bad enough already, now, even this old lady, might end up thinking what a loser she was in life! She dried her tears and apologized to the lady for consuming so much of her time and started driving again. The lady’s silence made her ever the more uncomfortable.

After sometime the lady started speaking… “Few years back I was diagnosed with breast cancer, thankfully it was operable, and I underwent surgery twice. But as fate would have it both the times it was unsuccessful and the cancer has reoccurred. Now because of my age I have been advised to not go for anymore surgeries. I have been given less than a year to live.” Keerthi was stunned and ashamed “I am really sorry, and to think I troubled you with all my silly problems. Am really sorry.” the lady looked at her at smiled and said “I did not tell you this to make you feel ashamed or to have your sympathy…. I told you because I thought I could help you...”

Keerthi looked at her with confusion “help me? “. “Yes… help you… when I was told 8 months back that I have less than a year to live I was depressed. Not because I was going to die, or because the chance to live my full life was being snatched away from me, frankly I have lived my life and am ready to go; but for the reason that I was going to die without having learnt the real meaning of life and its importance. And then one day just for the lack of a better thing to do and also on the insistence of my friend I visited the Asha jyothi centre. What I saw there influenced me in such a way, that I felt that I had found the meaning of life that I had been searching for. I am not saying that the meaning of life is only in the service of the needy and the poor. What I actually saw there was the will of the children living there. Their strength, their passion towards achieving the ultimate goal they had set for themselves. It set me thinking that how, we, who have everything, lose hope so early in the fight and how such people in spite of their short comings achieve so much. I realized that the reason for their sheer strength was in the fact that they were totally and completely aware of their disadvantages and fully ready to face all the obstacles that fate might throw their way. Where as we, the so called superior examples of the species are so over confident that we completely overlook the fact that in the race to the finish we might fall down and be trampled by the mob, and that we might have to get up and start running again. And that might be the only reason that we, are always complaining about life. So you see why what I said might help you? You have never had any sadness in your life up until now and the only time life gives you a problem you give up! You might see no point in living but is dying the only way out? I suggest you take some time to go visit all those people you cited the examples of. Your perspective in life might change because you see, those people, in spite of the way their life is, have not decided in ending their life.”

Both of them sat silently for sometime deep in thoughts. Then the lady got down as they had arrived at her destination. She thanked Keerthi for the lift yet again and then as she was turning away Keerthi asked her name. “Mrs. Margaret” the lady said and walked away leaving Keerthi to her thoughts.

Few months later……..

Keerthi stood silently by the grave of Mrs. Margaret, the stranger who had become such an integral and precious part of her life. She stayed for a few more minutes and then left. On her way back she went back to the day when she had first met her. She had followed the lady’s advice and had visited her parents, her grandma and Rekha. Only then had she realized that how mistaken she was about their life and about life in general. Only after when she had visited and stayed with them for a few days did Keerthi realize that all of them were perfectly happy with their life and there was not even an ounce of regret in them towards how their life had turned out. The visits had changed her perspective on life completely. She felt reborn. She felt as if fate had given her another shot at life. And she was thankful of it.

On returning the first thing she had done was visit the Asha jyothi centre and gotten the contact information on Mrs. Margaret. And since then both of them had become inseparable. After spending 3 precious months together Mrs. Margaret had moved on. Leaving keerthi, with a new respect for life. A new attitude that surprised all those who had known her…. she smiled….

She was rudely awakened from her flash back by the sounds of blaring horns of the vehicles behind her. The light had turned green and she had not noticed. She smiled, accelerated, and turned on the music in her car to full volume and drove back to work.

An attempt at poetry

2009-09-14T00:02:00.000-07:00

Who am I?

I don’t know!

To find the truth,

Where shall I go?

Do I need to go somewhere?

Or do I need to be just aware?!

So I looked inside…….

………..deep inside…

And then, through the abyss,

Came a light,

For me to realize!

I, is not a mystery

To be solved.

A definition to be evolved.

But rather an adventure

To be explored!

A beauty to be adored!!!

Treasure Chest

2009-09-07T00:36:00.000-07:00

The English language is increasingly becoming the medium of instruction in India today. We find people using it more commonly in their every day lives too. It has become a kind of a status symbol to be speaking in English and being fluently conversant in it. Some even transliterate their mother tongue into English and that leads to some funny situations. My article is going to be all about that….

I was attending a class yesterday in my entrance coaching centre. The lecturer was rattling off information which was so boring that my mind began to wander around… and I began my favourite hobby…picking out the errors in the English that was being spoken!!! [I know it’s a weird hobby but, believe me, it’s a total, out and out fun!!! I have been doing this since my college days!! I even used to write them down so that I could have a good laugh later…] and there it struck me why shouldn’t I write an article about it and let others have a good laugh too..

here are some of the most hilarious one that I have come across… hope you find it hilarious too….well here goes… sit back and enjoy…..

once our sir entered the class to engage us for the next one hour and immediately began the lecture without wasting much time… the class was as usual pathetically boring…. and the guys from the last bench began their entertainment.. The lecturer looked up and said...`What is that sounds are hearing? Can’t you concentrate on the class?’... Blah blah the usual on how disruptive it is etc etc… this was not going to deter the last benchers!!! (Who are usually waiting to be blessed with ‘get out my class’ blessing!) They continued their chatter... The lecturer looked up again and said ` I am hearding from last bench’. And there began his tirade, ` you people have came from so long. You just sit in canteen and are drinking cigarettes, and waste your parents’ hard earned money!! God is there to look you, you know! ‘

The other day we were being taught about arthritis… and he said…if bones are using again and again…. the bone is becoming eroding… the legs becoming straight, become straight and then go… By all, these what he meant to convey, took me a long time to understand!!!

And once he was explaining about the fractures and their treatment and he said…. whose muscle have not builded properly……… lie downing in same posture….. that is going and sitting inside like anything…tractions are coming nearing… and when one of my completely flummoxed class mate said she did not understand and asked to clarify he dropped another gem,…I know its all very confusious….that is why I am explaining you in detail…. well, we had to abandon all efforts to understand and thank our stars, that, we at least had the text book to rely on….!!!

Once while explaining a surgical procedure these were said….radiological incision is going to put… in the below it is giving….. Forward you handing… allow the blood to flows… and then teiding it down.

Once during the breast feeding week we visited a government hospital and heard a seminar on breast feeding.. Some of the sentences uttered were… mother is fed to the baby…. nipple is also going to discharge…. mother who has not sucked their babies….and on the context of how utmost hygiene and care is essential….not everybody is such billiards!!(Billionaire is what he meant to say!!)…. if people were affordable….on how, not all could afford a state of the art nursing home facility and home care is very much the need. What left me wondering was that as most of the audience were locals and could very well understand the local dialect then why was the seminar being delivered in English when obviously the person was not comfortable with the language??

These are the few of the sentences that I jotted down while trying hard not to burst out laughing…. my friends always used to ask why do I write them down… this is the reason why….. this sure beats all those sms that I get about height of misuse of the English language!!! I just defined new heights to it!!!

Hope you all enjoyed it. Cheers!!!

How Indian are we?

2009-09-01T01:18:00.000-07:00

The Independence Day has come and gone… the independence month has passed too. I wanted to write this article long back but I was waiting for the month of august to finish….

On august 15^th it was festivity everywhere, schools, colleges, even auto stands showing their patriotism towards our motherland. one could witness the tricolor everywhere, messages were exchanges that had happy independence day as the subject, patriotic songs of all languages and of all movies till date were blaring out of al kinds of places.

But as the month ended I wanted to pose a very important question. `How independent are we?’

Oh I know many would say we are fully independent, that if we were not then I would not even had the liberty to put forth such of my thoughts on the net. I agree with all those people. But my question was not asked by keeping in mind the literal sense of the word freedom. I meant how free are we from the various shackles, the various ideologies that still plague us and in turn hamper the growth and development of true India?

One of the many such problems is regionalism. Do not mistake me. I am not against the love one should have towards ones land of birth. But why is it many of us introduce ourselves as am a kannadiga, a tamilian, a maharashtrian, a dilliwallah, a keralite?? And they do so with utmost pride. But why not say am an Indian?? Are we ashamed to say that?? Am not!! Why should I be??

India might not be U.S.A. but it is still my country.

Every Indian is trying to imitate the great western culture. But why not imitate their unity? I don’t see Americans being divided over their states, and, they have more number of states than us!!!

I was passing by an atm once and what I saw really troubled me. The sign board of the atm was written in 3 languages. One of them in English one was in hindi and one in the regional language. Some miscreants (or perhaps misinformed) bunch of people had smeared black paint over the English and hindi signs leaving the regional language intact. Protesting against English is to a limit tolerable (even though I totally disagree with it too) but what is their intention by treating the national language in this manner??What kind of message are they intending to put across? Unity in diversity is definitely the strength of our nation. We proudly say on every Independence Day that even though we are made up of so many states and 1618 languages and yet we are united. But what happens to the same spirit after aug 15^th? Where does this spirit disappear? Or is it meant for only that particular day? That conveys the message that it’s all a façade and not the truth. Isn’t it?

Whenever a foreigner comes to our land we welcome them with open arms ( athithi devobhava!!!!). But at the same time we see Maharashtrians complaining about biharis settling in their land and taking their job. When will people realize that we are all one? It’s not about me my land, its about us, our land.

Look at china, people! Look how far ahead they have gone. Its time Indians woke up. Every country in the world harbors fear towards India because they know that we have the potential to be the no. 1 country in the world. But sadly India herself is not aware of that fact.

I don’t understand why we Indians under estimate ourselves so much? Why do we think that those westerners are above us? From where does this feeling emerge? Ours used to be the wealthiest, most cultured and the most peace loving country. It’s the same people even now but sans the wealth (looted away by firangis) and the rich culture being thrown away by the youth. It seems funny to me that we Indians have to pay millions to get back what is rightfully ours like the sword of tippu sultan, etc.

The British evolved a strategy to defeat India- united they stand and divided they fall. The British have long gone but the strategy that they seeded in the Indian minds still survives. We are indeed the sole reason for our present state.

It’s high time we stopped cribbing and started taking the matters seriously. Don’t say what can I do to help, I cant do it alone. Excuses are for the lame. Wake up and revive the lost spirit in as many individuals as possible. That’s the least you can do.

A Toast to Friendship!!

2009-08-17T00:09:00.000-07:00

One day you find yourself sitting and reminiscing about the incidents happening in your life… and the incidents of the past… and you start wondering…. where was I wrong?? Did I do something wrong or was it all the way it was supposed to be?? Are they all the lessons that I am supposed to have learnt from and moved on ahead?? Did I learn the lessons meant to be learnt? Or have I completely missed the point and that’s why such situations are repeating themselves in my life over and over again?

People all around me, the wise ones, the elders have looked at my pain and always advised me.. ‘don’t give so much importance to friends in your life…. they will give you nothing but pain’. I have always disagreed with them. I have never found more joy anywhere other than with a friend. But now I feel may be they were right! Because, I have also never experienced a greater pain than given by my so called friends.

That is what sets me wondering whether those people really were worthy of being called friends??

What do you do when you come across someone who you think matches with your frequency of thoughts? The answer is obviously want to befriend them don’t you? That’s exactly what I did. Then where did I go wrong?

When you are in a friendship you give your hundred percent to that friendship with intention of maintaining that friendship for the rest of your lives. And in return you expect the other persons to reciprocate the same(or is this where I go wrong?) isn’t there a chance that, that person completely takes advantage of your friendship and meanwhile pretends to be your best friend? So how are you to differentiate the good ones from the bad ones? Or are the signs very obvious but you are either very naïve or lets say purely dumb to know the difference. Either way you realize it only after that friendship comes to an end. And by then its too late,not to save the friendship but to save yourself from the pain. You realize you made the same mistake. Again! And again! And again!

So for refusing to learn from your mistakes you are sentenced to memories of pain, disgust(at yourself),and smirks of the people who think you are an easy target.

But for how long can you do the same mistakes?? Even the dumbest do catch on right? It might be late but its better late than never right? Or so you say to yourself!

What do you do then? You look back and reminisce just the way am doing now. That’s because you realize that all along the way there was one wonderful soul who has always been there for you. But you just like every Indian (who takes that’s there for granted and runs behind what is not there) blithely overlooked that friendly smile that was given when you were down, that call just when you wanted somebody to talk to, those words of reassurance just when you were thinking it’s the end of the road. And most importantly who stood right by you all through your misadventures in search for a ‘friend for life’. Never once complaining, instead, waiting patiently all along for you to finally realize.

I have realized. I have realized that I have such a friend. A diamond is always found in a coal mine. And you do have to mine a lot of coal to come to the diamond isn’t it? I have.

What do you do when you come across such a person? You make sure you don’t lose a friend again. Right? And wonderfully you find that with this person the feeling are reciprocated!!!

But the mistake prone you!!! What do you do? You take the friendship for granted giving excuses… saying that you do think highly of that person but your life is so full …. you hardly can make time to talk… but then one day you come across the words penned by that person specially for you!! And you have tears in your eyes!!! You realize you are doing the same thing others were doing to you. And you realize how hurt that person might be because it sure as hell hurt you.

If you repent for what you have done, then, all that is done is pardoned…

Now I can with total conviction reply back to those elders, and the wise ones that they were wrong. Friends do matter a lot. They don’t give you pain. They only increase your joy in life and everything around you. The only loop is that it works only when you find the right friend. I found mine. And am going to do everything possible from now on not to lose that person. And on reading this that person will am sure realize who am writing about.

Mind you folks am not talking of the love and the so called boyfriend/girlfriend relationship here. I am talking of the pure and clean friendship between 2 individuals. And yes such friendship can survive in today’s world!!